Live In The Sufferings

The Lord started talking to me about suffering a few months ago. This was not a subject I was looking forward to and to be honest was a bit nervous about where He was going with it. I'm no hero and thoughts of suffering conjured up images of pain and distress in my mind. As the weeks went by I realized what He was showing me. People are often suffering. Whether it be watching your children in an unhealthy relationship or caring for elderly parents there is suffering involved. It could be knowing loved ones are not in relationship with the Lord or a court case not turning out the way you hoped. Maybe it's a job you missed out on that causes you to suffer or a broken heart. Suffering comes in many forms. The Lord was showing me we suffer not just from personal pain or loved ones dying but in life in general. If we are alive we will suffer at some point. The Lord told us in His word it's a part of life. 1 Peter 5:8-10 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. Now you might be thinking to yourself, no kidding tell me something I don't already know! We know people suffer so where are you going with this? Glad you asked. What I realized is it's not if we will suffer but are we grounded in our relationship with God so when the suffering comes we can handle it. I have seen a lot of Christians who say they believe in God until tragedy hits and then they second guess God and feel distant from Him. Why? Because they don't have a strong understanding of who God is and how much He loves us. I am guilty of this very thing so please don't feel like I'm attacking you. As always these jewels are about my life and things I went through or are going through now. For me it has been my situation with my mother. I have been suffering knowing she is in a place I can't get to on a daily basis to see and help her. I was having trouble waking up in the morning and allowing myself to be happy (and I love to be happy) because I felt guilty that I am going on with life and my mother is in a nursing home in the middle of no where without her kids. I would lay awake at night and toss and turn and it would be in my mind all day, a constant reminder that I wasn't “doing” something. I was even holding back from my prayer warriors that I needed them to pray for me because I felt guilty and ashamed of how things turned out with my family. I was suffering and didn't know what to do with it. Does this make sense? God showed me that this was my current suffering. He then showed me that I wasn't trusting Him with it. I needed to go back to my relationship with Jesus and understand how much He loves me and my mother. I had to start with prayer and remember who I was praying to. I'm praying to GOD! James 5:13 If anyone among you is suffering let him pray. Then I had to remember that God would not turn His back on me regardless of the decisions me or anyone else in my family have made. I had to remember that not only could He handle this mess He would handle it and He would deliver me from my suffering as well. Job 36:15 But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction. God will speak to us when we need Him to we just have to give Him the situation and wait on Him. The Bible tells us that God will work out all things to the good for those who love Him but that doesn't mean suffering isn't a part of that working out. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. A great example of this is my friend Carolyn's brother. He recently got hit in the head with a brick . We know that happened because we live in a sin filled world and the devil is out to hurt us. Remember what Peter told us “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” The devil meant harm to him but when he went to the hospital they realized his breathing was irregular and they were more extensive in their care for him. It turned out he had a much bigger problem then a few stitches to his head. They were able to begin treatment for a disease he didn't know he had which saved his life! God took a bad situation and worked it out for good. In all suffering we have to trust God. We can't understand the mind of God but that doesn't mean His ways are not better than our ways. Ecclesiastes.11:5 As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Gems we need to learn how to live in our sufferings and not look at God like he's a mortal man because He's not. He is the Maker of all things, EVERYTHING! We need to have faith so when our world get's rocked it doesn't pull the rug out from under us. We need to be reminded, I needed to be reminded that God is Holy and Righteous and I have no right to question how HE decides to run my life or anyone else's. That my suffering is not a license to underestimate the God I serve. That I can't possibly help someone else whose suffering if I don't trust God with my own. We need to learn how to live with faith in our suffering to trust our creator and not question Him. I leave you with one of my favorite scriptures: Isaiah 40 12Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? 1Who can fathom the Spirit of the Lord, or instruct the Lord as his counselor? 14Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge, or showed him the path of understanding? 18With whom, then, will you compare God? To what image will you liken him? 21Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood since the earth was founded? 22He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in. 25“To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. 26Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. 28Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 29He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Amen

Mother's Day

We are getting ready to celebrate Mother’s Day. I thought we could talk about a mom named Jochebed. Who is she you ask? Well let me tell you. Jochebed was the mother of Moses. A woman who put her baby in a basket and sent him down a crocodile filled Nile River. Exodus 2:3 But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. Now if you didn’t know the whole story you would assume Jochebed was a horrible mother and expect her to show up on the Jerry Springer show but you would have assumed wrong. Sometimes what looks like the worst thing you can do for your baby may in fact be the best. Jochebed was actually trying to save her sons life and it worked. Read Exodus 2 so you can get the whole story. Sometimes the hardest thing to do as a mom is walk away from your baby and trust God to save them. Jochebed’s sacrifice allowed Moses to become a messenger for God and one of the greatest leaders of all time. But we only hear about Moses not so much about his mom. Sometimes you have to walk away from your baby when he’s a teen or a young adult or even a full grown adult. Sometimes we have to stop trying to rescue them so they can learn how to survive on their own. These are not easy tasks. When Anthony my first born baby was a teenager and involved in drugs I warned him if he brought drugs or dealers around my house I would kick him out. I had three other children at home and could not risk them being in danger because of his bad choices. Unfortunately he didn’t believe me and the day came I had to put my baby in a basket and put him in the Nile. Throw him out on his own in this big bad ugly world. As I was throwing him out my oldest daughter, his partner in crime, was yelling at me from the top of the stairs that she hated me, my youngest son who was five at the time was crying “please don’t throw my brother out” and my baby girl Jessica was just crying because everyone else was. That was a hard day for this mommy. It didn’t help when days later I was driving and Nathanael was in the back seat and we passed Anthony on the road and just drove by and Nathanael was screaming “mommy pick up my brother!” and I had to keep driving. We celebrate Anthony’s growth today, thank you Jesus, but the hard mommy moments are usually hidden in the background. It may have looked like I was a horrible mother when I was in fact loving him with all I had. I read an article one time about a woman who had a bunch of kids and the interviewer asked if she loved on child more than another and she said yes. The surprised interviewer asked which one? The mother answered the one who needs it the most at the time. What a great answer. In my life it took a long time to forgive my mother for not loving me the way I needed her to or thought she should. I can remember countless times being in a store to buy a card for my mother and had to buy a generic one because the official “mother’s” cards were too mooshy and I didn’t feel like they applied to our relationship. I will never forget the day the Lord spoke to me about it. He said “Gena you are looking for something from your mother she can’t possibly give you and that’s not fair. You can either accept her the way she is and have some sort of relationship or you can love her from a distance.” As many of you know it had to be from a distance for a while. Now I’m 51 and my mother is in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s far from me. It’s a time I feel she needs me the most but because of circumstances out of my control I can’t be there for her. I have been thinking back over her life and the things she endured that made her who she was and so wish I knew then what I know now and could tell her how much Jesus loves her. I now look at all the things my mother sacrificed for me and the qualities that I like about myself that I got from her. I spoke to her on the phone yesterday; even though she didn’t know who I was I told her I loved her. Gems we are all just people doing the best we can with what we got. I don’t know if Moses ever told his mother how grateful he was for her risking her life to save his, I hope he did. So Rose Marie Theresa Rignola Markstaller I want to publicly wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. Thank you for choosing life and giving me life. Gems I want to wish a Happy Mother’s day to the moms who did and are doing a great job and to the ones that are doing what their capable of. To the moms who adopted and the mom who realized it was best to give her baby away. To the mom who is a foster mom or a big sister being a mom. To the dads who are Mr. Mom and the grandparents who are raising their children’s children. To the moms who had to do the unthinkable and say goodbye to their children before they should have and the children who are sending a prayer to their moms. I pray that we will all decide to honor our moms no matter what they did and decide to be better people with what we do. Proverbs 31:31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Seafarers

OK so let me tell you one of the many reasons I’m crazy about Jesus. I never know where I’m going to end up day to day and yesterday was no different. I started off the morning just relaxing in bed and writing the last jewel you got when I was prompted to text my dear friend April. She quickly responded with an invitation to join her in meeting a new ministry she was checking out for our church. Here Gems is where the Lord began to unfold His plan and my fun began. As I said I just finished writing a jewel and no sooner had I hit the send button I got a response from a woman I met about 3 years ago. I will never forget her because her name is the same as my grandmothers who was very Italian and this woman is very Chinese. I knew it was an opportunity to help someone so while I was waiting for April to pick me up I called her. As I said she is Chinese and so communication was a bit difficult. My daughter and a friend were in my kitchen so I wrote a note asking them to be praying while I was on the phone for the Holy Spirit to break the language barrier so I didn’t have to keep saying things like, sorry, what, excuse me and break the flow of the conversation. Little did I know the Lord was preparing me for later that day. If you know anything about me you know I love meeting new people especially people who are being the hands and feet of Jesus. April picked me up and off we went to the Tampa Port Authority. We met the wonderful team at the Tampa Seafarers Center. Our host Steve, Jeff, Wesley and his beautiful wife Judy and learned about their ministry called Tampa Port Ministries, Inc. If any of you are reading this I’m sorry in advance if I don’t do the ministry justice because it is an amazing ministry that God has put on your hearts. As you can imagine in a Port Authority you would have ships coming in and out of the country. On those ships are men (sometimes women) from all over the world! Their time at port can be a few hours or a few days so what do these seafarers do while they wait? In comes God!!! This team of awesome people drives a van to the ship and picks them up. They take them to Walmart if they need to pick up some personal belongings since there are no Walmart’s at sea, yet… If there is no need for a shopping trip or other errand they bring the Seafarer’s directly to their facility where there are clothes they can have for free! A place to relax and watch TV or a game room complete with pool tables, ping pong, foosball and various other games. There are snacks and drinks and a feeling of home. They have a table set up for personal computers complete with Skype so they can see their families. There is a separate room for privacy with computers in case they don’t own one of their own. There are phones so they can call home and camera’s so they can see their loved ones. You can feel the love the moment you enter this place. Who would have thought of this? Only God! I love how God is concerned about everyone even people we don’t even think about not because we don’t care it’s just that our worlds never interact. Now get this you never have to leave Tampa to have a foreign mission experience, you have foreign missions right here in your back yard. They have tracts in all different languages on the wall and there is at least one person that speaks English on the ship so a translator is also available! They do more than meet their physical needs but Jesus said that’s where to start. James 2:16 If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? Don’t ask a man if he’s hungry then not give him something to eat. The team shares the love of God with these seafarers in Spirit and truth. They have a chapel for quite moments of prayer or if someone were killed at sea they can perform a ceremony for the men right there. If you can’t hear the excitement in this jewel I will tell you I am sooooo excited about this unique ministry. I have always wanted to do a foreign mission trip but I’ll be honest I don’t like to travel and here I was without knowing it moments away from my first one. After our meeting April and I got a tour of the place and before we knew it it was time for Steve to go to a ship and pick up some men! Oh my gosh! They asked if we wanted to come and I was like YESSSSSS! I really wanted to see a ship but we couldn’t go that far. We anxiously waited at the guard booth for our van to come back for us. Up pulled Steve and as I climbed in the back of the van there were 6 smiling Chinese faces looking at me. Chinese!!! God had covered me with communication prayer earlier in the day remember?? Is God good or what! We had great conversation on the way back with my spiritual ear for Chinese My new friends would be going to Brazil the next day and then in a few months back to China. Gems I was officially on a foreign mission trip! My new friends invited me to China and agreed to be my personal GPS as I told them I get lost easy. I pray that day happens, some day. I want to share one of the most solemn moments of the day for me. It was when Steve handed me a black and white composition book which the team lovingly referred to as “The book of Life.” In it were the names of men and women they led to Christ and prayed would go back to their countries and change their worlds. Oh how precious was this book and all it represented. It made me think of the Lambs book of life we will one day see in the hands of our sweet Jesus, I cry as I write these words. It was such a Holy moment I asked the team if we could pray before we spoke any further. Gems this, like all ministries, is funded by support. I have put the information of this ministry below if you feel led please go visit them, send money or at least pray for them. If you, like me, have ever wanted to go on a foreign mission trip but didn’t want to leave the country we no longer have an excuse. For one day you can be a Seafarer too! www.tampaseafarerscenter.org

Set The Table

A few months ago my father was temporarily in an assisted living facility and my sisters and I would go visit him. I of course got to know some of the other residents and would talk to them each day we were there. We would go to the dining room with my father for lunch and dinner so he didn't have to eat alone. The facility isn't full so there's plenty of room in the dining room, however, I noticed quite a few people sitting alone at their table including my father. I could understand my father sitting alone because he's not the nicest person to dine with but the other residents were quite pleasant, so why were they alone? I decided to be friendly and asked one of the women if she wanted to join us. She looked at me kind of baffled and said “no” that she was at “her table.” She literally grabbed the sides of the table with her tiny frail hands and held onto it showing ownership. I got the same response from a few of the other women. They each had their own table and rather than have company they wanted the security or the routine of sitting at their table even if it meant eating alone. The first woman I asked has been living in this place for 12 years! She moved there with her husband who had Alzheimers but he passed away 2 years later so she has been there alone for 10 years. No children or family and apparently no close friends in Florida. How very sad and yet she did not want to join us and leave “her table.” I could not get passed this experience of being alone rather than having fellowship. As always it got me thinking about what kind of things our frail hands are holding onto. What keeps us from having fellowship with others? Isolation is one of the greatest tools of the enemy. As long as we are alone he can fill our minds with lies about ourselves and others. He can make us second guess what Jesus tells us about ourselves and more importantly who we are in Christ. We shouldn't be surprised, he did it to Jesus. Remember when Jesus was in the desert for 40 days being tempted by satan. (Matthew 4)What did he keep saying to Him? 1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” 5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. Satan was trying to get Jesus to question if he was truly the son of God. He does the same thing with you and me. If you are a child of God you would be able to forgive. If you are a child of God you wouldn't be in this mess. If you were a child of God you wouldn't hate yourself. Recently someone asked me the question “why does it feel so weird to have people tell me they love me?” What this person was really saying is satan is making them question who they are because if they were really a child of God they would know they were loveable. This person has been dining alone, holding onto a table of rejection BUT asking the question was a great way for her frail hand to begin to let go. I'm going to share another personal story with you. Growing up with my mother was a challenge to say the least. My mother was the kind of person that agreed with whoever she was with at the time. A person chameleon if you will. It would make me so angry because I felt like she never stood up for anything and was lying every time she changed her mind to agree with who she was with. Part of the problem was I never felt safe with her because if she told me she liked something about me, which wasn't very often, it could change if someone else didn't like it. I know that sounds kind of confusing but I hope you get what I'm saying. The Holy Spirit spoke to me the other day about this. He told me the real problem was my mother didn't know who she was. She had been dining alone her whole life and the only way she could fellowship with other people and feel accepted was to be just like them. I had never thought about it like that. I remember my whole life people saying things like “it's just Rose Mary, she's always making stuff up, you never know when to believe her.” But no one including me every tried to find out WHY she did this. What was satan saying to her. If you were a child of God you would... This of course broke my heart and gave me a whole new perspective of my mother. It also broke my heart because now that she has Alzheimers I can't even go back and tell her I understand and make sure she knows God loves her just the way He created her. That she was His chameleon. This would be a really sad story if it ended there but my sweet Jesus would never do that. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I may not be able to reach her but He not only could but would! Gems let's not allow the enemy to make us question who we are in Christ. Let's not dine alone when we are feeling insure but reach out for fellowship to one another and set our tables with love and acceptance.

Power of a Testimony

It is with excitement, joy and amazement I send you this unusual jewel. This is the first official Gena's Jewels Mission outreach but I need to tell you how it happened. About three years ago my son Anthony set me up a twitter account which I haven't used since he set it up. Recently I got an email from a man in Africa. This is part of the email:

May this letter find you blessed in Christ. I am writing from West Africa and it is a blessing getting to you in the other part of the world. It is my prayer that you become a friend of me and the local church here. I got your email when I searching online and got into the web site and I know that it is God’s arrangement.

It was the unused twitter account (only God) he found gena's jewels. The gist of the letter was he and his small church are in desperate need of Bibles. We wrote back and forth a few times, easy for me not so easy for my new friend that had to walk about 6 miles to get to a place that has a computer then pay a ticket to use it.

I told him I would send some Bibles but had to wait for my tax return. I could not wait for Jessica (my youngest daughter) and I to be a part of Kingdom building for my sweet Jesus. We bought the Bibles and 10 pairs of reading glasses different strengths because Owen (my new found brother) said the strongest believers were very old and it was hard for them to see. Jessica and I packed up our box, prayed over it to arrive without the glasses breaking and mailed it off. As you can imagine it took a while for the package to arrive. What I didn't imagine was the letter I got when they did. This is what I want to share with you my dear Gems.

You are about to read the gospel come to life in the sweet/sad story below. Please take time to read it and my notes at the end.

Dearly Beloved,

Greetings in Jesus name. I am happy to let you know that the bibles and glasses you sent have arrived. I am short of words but I want to tell you that this bibles are greatly appreciated. God is aware of this great service and hand of fellowship you have extended to us and great is your blessings. Tears of joy flows out of my eyes as I opened and saw the wonderful bibles. I wish I could see you face to face to shake your hands but I know we shall meet in Heaven if not here on earth. We spent much time interceding for you and your church yesterday evening in our evening Bible Study. We are greatly blessed, Glory to God!

I pray that the Father shed His marvelous light upon you, as it is written: "Arise, shine; for thy light is come, and the glory of the LORD is risen upon thee. For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: but the LORD shall arise upon thee, and his glory shall be seen upon thee. And the Gentiles shall come to thy light, and kings to the brightness of thy rising. Lift up thine eyes round about, and see: all they gather themselves together, they come to thee: thy sons shall come from far, and thy daughters shall be nursed at thy side." Isaiah 60:1-4.

Let me share with you about all we have been doing since the past two weeks. The Muslims quarters here again had much flooding. That area of town is valley so most times flood water destroys things there. The heavy rain that fell last Thursday killed 2 persons there and destroyed many buildings. I encouraged our church and few days ago we went to help in any way we could like removing debris and helping to stand some wooden building. We went again yesterday. Most of the Muslims are amazed to see us coming to help despite all the persecution from them. We tell many about Christ when necessary and many are won, six families. Again many Christians around us criticize us for doing this simply because the Muslims do not show sympathy of Christians but killed Christians around Nigeria. I know for myself, it is definitely challenging to love people who may be hostile towards us, but God calls us to love our enemies and He will supply us with the love to do it if we surrender to Him. For God is love. And we can only love because He first loved us. And His love is only made complete in us, when it transforms our hearts and outflows into every facet of our lives. (1 John 4:7-21). God has been showing me how He calls us to do what is impossible for man, because it shows us that we can only have victory through Christ alone. And the act of loving our enemies can be done through Christ. God is amazing, and He provides an endless source of love! We will continue to reach out in love to those Muslims because of the love of Christ in us.

My wife is on me serious to tell you of this because she loves this poor family and compassionate about them. There is a particular woman and her four children in this muslim quarters that we are assisting. This woman has given her life to Christ with her children. She told us that her husband abandoned her and her four children about four months ago when she gave birth to their last baby the man could not care for the children. She has to care for the children all alone. My wife and I are helping her for food items and medicine for the children and in other way we can. She is a respectful warm woman and needs helps. There is also her younger Sister who is 17 years old with her who did not appear in the picture I want to send to you. The area we would want you to assist her and the children in for clothing, shoes and maybe toys for her and the children with her younger Sister. As you can also see in the picture I’m sending to you they have no cloths and only use rags. Please look at the picture I send to you and send the cloths of children of that age and size. The first son is Ahmed age 11, Sunu male age 7, Kiamatu male age 5 and their baby about five months old and female. Her Sister’s name is Kudirath age 17, female. Please help send clothing items through us to this poor lovely family and God will bless you for helping them. The Sister’s name is Amari Suleman. She gave us her picture yesterday and hope you can see it. Buying cloths for them here is too expensive and no money.

We thank you because through you we have a testimony that God's love knows no boundaries, whether through earth or sea, His love stretches beyond all of that. " Have not I commanded thee Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid neither be thou dismayed for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever - Joshua 1:9" We believe that God will pour his love and abundance of blessings on His people who serve him with such humility and courage. Continue to aid and assist the people around you, as we remember that each and every one of us are made in the beautiful image of God, and thus all of us are creations of God, loved dearly by Him.

I have spent over one hour typing this message. I am not fast at typing. I wish I can share all about us with you. Thank you! 2 Thessalonians 3:1-Finally, brethren, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may have free course, and be glorified, even as it is with you. I wish you could visit us and see all that we are doing in Christ. Let us know.

Looking unto Jesus- Hebrews 12:1-2,
Brother Owen

If this letter didn't touch your heart grab the paddles and shock yourself! My first goal is to testify how amazing our God is and 2nd to share the love of God through a man to the Muslim people who are persecuting him and his people and 3rd to let you have an opportunity to help me send another care package or the privilege to pray for brother Owen and his family.
There have been a lot of changes in my world and the Gena's Jewels ministry has finally taken flight. I gave my ministry to the Lord in February 1992 and am beyond excited to see it coming to life in such a tangible way. My hope is to one day do full time ministry. To let people know that I feel like I'm God's favorite and my goal is to make everyone I meet feel the same way! If you would like to be a part of this just email me.
Thanks for taking the time to read this Jewel Gems.
In His Love,
gena

Words On A Page

I have had one of those tough months, just that constant pressure and stress of life. Having four children usually one of them may be going through something but this month all four of them were walking through a growth time. It’s hard to watch your child hurt and know they have to do this one alone and trust God. In the end you know it will be good but it’s the meantime that is challenging.
My heart is aching with the situation with my parents that seems to get worse instead of better. Just to update you, my older brother moved them to Albany New York in a less than desirable mobile home. Their care is less than adequate and although they are dealing with their own decisions it still breaks my heart. My father was cold in Florida I can’t imagine how cold he must be in Upstate New York. I felt robbed by my brother’s decision to take them against the wishes of myself and sisters.
If you’re a regular reader of Gena’s Jewels you know I have a pretty crazy family and have never had a nurturing relationship with my parents. You will also remember my mother has Alzheimer’s and while it was difficult watching her lose her memory we were actually having a relationship. It was like she was meeting me as a new friend and we were getting to spend time together. I felt like I had a relationship with her for the first time in my life. When I came to the house she was happy to see her friend that would take her to the store. I know that may sound weird but it’s how I felt. Now she is far away and can’t see me and has no idea who I am. When I call her on the phone she just babbles because she’s scared, feels alone and has no idea who she’s talking to. It’s like you mourn the death of your parent and they are still alive. It’s a very strange feeling, I know some of you can relate.
My younger brother has fought mental illness most of his life but when I saw him a couple of months ago he was doing great and looked better than I have ever seen him. Unfortunately the enemy has swooped back in and last I heard he is back in a mental facility, again heart breaking. Knowing how all this is affecting my sisters and niece is also hard to handle.
My very dear friend buried her first born daughter and although I know she is with Jesus I mourn the loss for her mom. Each time I talk to her I’m frustrated that I don’t have some magic thing to say that will ease her pain. She too lives far from me so I can’t even hug on her. I love you Jeanine.
I have been fighting migraine headaches which can cause grief when I’m trying to keep up with commitments. I have some other issues but I don’t want to overwhelm you so I think you get the point that I’m on emotional overload!
So here it is Saturday morning I have been up since 5 A.M. with a nauseating headache and I know I have to be at a meeting at 8 ugh! I think about cancelling I figure I can pick any of the above reasons for my decision but I gave my word and don’t want to let the group down.
I show up on time which was a surprise in itself. I looked pretty rough so a few sweet ladies asked if I was OK and offered to pray for me. Thank you Jesus for women who not only say they will pray but do! Part of the meeting is worship. Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t worship? I was drained and the thought of standing to sing and worship was a struggle. As the music began to play the following words were sung:

Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
What could stand against?

I was hearing the words but couldn’t seem to sing out loud. I literally felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I ended up going outside to sit for a moment and regroup. Later I went in a side door and listened from a chair outside the meeting room. As I sat there the Lord said something very profound to me. He said,
“Gena it’s easy for people to fill churches and concert halls and sing songs of worship but unless you really mean them and believe they are true they are nothing more than words on a page”
Wow that hit home! It’s when we’re in the middle of the muck that those words become life to us. It’s not about getting a warm fuzzy when you sing them it’s about taking hold of them like a life jacket when you’re drowning.
He told me something else that was pretty powerful; you know He does that right? He said there were a lot of people that were supposed to be there that day but not all of them showed up.
Please hear me this is not a dis to anyone that wasn’t there I had to miss the first meeting so I know life happens, I’m talking about the not coming just because reason. The Holy Spirit said sometimes he doesn’t convict you or let the enemy make you feel guilty, it’s just you making a decision based on what’s in your heart. He told me many were tested and on this particular day I passed the test by showing up when I didn’t feel like it. I emphasize I passed the test that day I’m not always that obedient.
I sat in the foyer for a bit and meditated on His words then went back in and sang my worship song with a new found confidence.
Nothing in my situation had changed but I reminded myself that I believe My God is stronger than any other and if He be for me who can be against me? What could ever stop me? Nuttin honey :)
I have to share a testimony with you about this day too. In the morning I got a cup of coffee and I noted how hot it was. I really like my coffee hot. Later after one of the breaks I got another cup of coffee and I noted it was hot but not really hot like earlier. No sooner had I thought that a woman bumped into me and I poured my coffee all over my hand and upper arm. The first thing I thought was thank you Jesus that you cooled the coffee down if it were the morning coffee I would have had a serious burn. If my God is for me what can be against me?
Gems I want to encourage you to really search your heart when your singing praises to our King especially when you’re in the middle of a battle and make sure you’re not just singing words on a page. Let those words ring truth into your world.
Trust in your sweet Jesus He is greater, stronger, more awesome than any other and best of all He’s Our God!!!

Don't kiss like Judas

The Bible tells us to greet one another with a kiss 1 Peter 5:14 Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.
Recently I read that the early disciples would greet one another with a kiss of peace, the kiss sealed their collective commitment to the Lord for their new way of living. It was an unspoken rebuttal to the kiss that Judas Iscariot had placed on Jesus cheek the night of his betrayal. I don’t know if that’s a fact but I found it pretty interesting.
With that said this is one of those jewels that keep me humble as I share with you the junk God is still dealing with inside of me.
See what had happened was…
I volunteered to speak at a ministry I attend each week, however I totally forgot about it. It wasn’t until I was on my way to the place I remembered and thought to myself I will have to wing it. Now winging it isn’t always a bad thing for me because I usually try and let God lead my words BUT I’m usually prayed up before I open my mouth. I thought it odd that no one said anything to me on the drive over about me speaking but I didn’t want to bring it up since I felt bad I hadn’t remembered and would just act ready.
As you know when I mess up I like to go all out so prepare yourself. After we got to the site I saw a young man getting ready to speak and the leaders didn’t seem the least bit surprised that it was him and not me. Well I got on my high prideful horse and thought what the heck I’m supposed to be speaking. Mind you less than 15 minutes ago I didn’t even remember. You would have thought I would’ve been grateful that the Lord had my back but NOOOO, I got on a pride kick. I was listening to this young man speak and thought, is he even a member of this organization? Why is he speaking? I didn’t think it was the most inspirational message especially when he quoted a verse from James.
James 4:9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.
What kind of verse is that to say to people who were struggling? I would never have used that verse! What does that verse even mean??? James must have been confused or depressed when he wrote that.
This young man was on fire as he paced back and forth sharing God’s word and I was a total butt head not receiving any of it. Later that night I even poked fun of his speaking style to my friend. Not to his face of course cause that wouldn’t be nice....
When we leave the site we say an informal goodbye to one another but on this night this young man made a point of coming over and hugging me before he left. That was my first pang of guilt but I pushed it aside and gave him a Judas kiss goodbye.
I KNOW! I can’t believe I’m even sharing this with you, not gonna lie I’m pretty ashamed.
Well you know the Holy Spirit doesn’t let me get away with anything for too long. He loves me too much to not teach me a lesson. The next morning I go to a Beth Moore Bible study and as fate would have it, it’s on James. And guess which verse she’s talking about? You guessed it James 4:9!
Beth shared a conversation she had with her daughter Melissa. Her daughter was telling her she has no idea what kind of things people share on the internet so Beth decides to check it out. She Googled her name and was shocked at the things people wrote about her. She said the thing that hurt the most were the things her fellow brothers and sisters in Christ wrote about her. Things that weren’t true and if for some reason people thought it was true she couldn’t’ understand why they didn’t call or write and ask her about it. She said she expected to be ridiculed from the world because Jesus said to expect it but from fellow Christians it really shocked her. Beth went on to say that this is what the verse from James means. When we as Christians see sin or things that grieve the Holy Spirit it should turn our joy into mourning. Gena translation, we should be sad when people kiss like Judas.
Luke 22:47-48 While he was still speaking a crowd came up, and the man who was called Judas, one of the Twelve, was leading them. He approached Jesus to kiss him, but Jesus asked him, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?”
UGH! That hit me right between the eyes. The Holy Spirit brought to mind my sweet brother that I had slammed the night before. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t know, God knew and worse yet I thought it. He let me know I didn’t speak that night because my heart wasn’t right, I had a pride issue. The Lord reminded me that I would have to keep pride in check especially since speaking is a big part of my ministry. That young man was right where he was supposed to be and little did I know he was speaking for me. My actions should have turned my joy into sorrow. They didn’t that night but they sure did the next morning.
Gems I share these stories with you to remind you that we all struggle with selfish thoughts as we’re growing. That’s the basis of the book of James, it’s a manual if you will on how to live your life after you accept Christ as your Savior. I heard a guy say being a Christian doesn't mean we stop sinning it just means we stop enjoying it.
When I left that night I should have given my brother a kiss on the cheek that represented peace and love and a mutual commitment that we are trying to live the way Christ showed us. It was a reminder to me to get myself in check every time I interact with another brother or sister in Christ. I hope it helps us all to make sure we’re not giving out a Judas kiss when we embrace one another. I pray it will remind us to give a kiss of peace and love xoxox